5 Practical Applications of Adlerian Philosophy — Without Reading the Book

Last week, I sat in a meeting and realized I was anxious not because of the content I had prepared—but because a specific person in the room might not like the direction I was proposing.

I spent 40 minutes tweaking slides. Not because the slides were wrong, but because I was trying to second-guess and please someone whose thoughts I didn’t actually know.

Alfred Adler called this living for the approval of others. And he has an entire system to escape it.

Here are 5 ideas from Adlerian thought—distilled from the book “The Courage to Be Disliked” (Kishimi & Koga)—that you can apply without even finishing the book.

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Video Review

Watch the full analysis on YouTube — The Courage to Be Disliked

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1. Separation of Tasks — This Is Mine, That Is Yours

You just presented an idea in a meeting. A colleague frowns. Says nothing. Looks down at their phone.

The common reaction: you start wondering did I say something wrong, do they hate this idea, should I explain more…

Adler says: stop.

Whether they like your idea or not—that is their task, not yours.

Your task is to present it correctly, clearly, and honestly. The conclusion they draw—that is their space. You cannot control it, and trying to control it will strip away the honesty of what you are doing.

Exercise: Next time you worry about someone’s reaction, write down two columns: “This belongs to me” and “This belongs to them.” You will find that most of your anxiety belongs in the second column.

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2. Cause vs. Purpose — How Are You Using Your Past?

“I’m shy because I was bullied as a kid.”

“I don’t dare to change because I’ve failed too many times.”

“I am the way I am because of my family, my environment, and what happened to me.”

Freud would nod: yes, the past shapes who you are.

Adler counters: You are not created by your past—you are using your past as an excuse not to change.

This is the difference between causal thinking (aetiology—“I am like this because X happened”) and purposeful thinking (teleology—“What am I doing with that X?”).

It’s not that childhood memories have no influence. But it is how you choose to interpret them. And that interpretation is something you can actually change.

Exercise: Pick a story you often tell about yourself—“I’m not good at X because…” Ask: if I stopped using that reason, what would need to change in my actions today?

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3. The Three Tasks of Life — Which One Are You Avoiding?

Adler argued that everyone’s life revolves around three major tasks:

1. Work (Work) — your contribution to society, whether paid or not.
2. Friendship (Friendship) — horizontal, non-utilitarian relationships.
3. Love (Love) — the deepest connection, including family.

He said that most human suffering comes from avoiding one or more of these tasks. Not because they are hard—but because they require a level of vulnerability that we don’t want to face.

Exercise: Rate each task from 1 to 5—how much you are actually investing in it, not how much you think you should. The lowest score is usually where the greatest avoidance lies. That is the place worth looking into.

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4. Living with Contribution — How to Escape Burnout

You work a lot, you feel tired, and you have a vague sense that you are being used—rather than contributing.

Adler distinguishes between two very different states:

• Working because you are forced / for money / for fear of losing your job → energy leaks away, burnout is the inevitable result.
• Working because you see this as your contribution → the same work, but a completely different feeling.

This doesn’t mean you have to love your job. It means you can find the meaning of contribution even in the most ordinary tasks—because we are all doing a part of something larger than ourselves.

Exercise: List 3 people whose lives are made a little easier by your work or your existence. It doesn’t need to be impressive. Just be specific. This is the starting point to rediscover meaning on your most exhausting days.

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5. The Courage to Be Disliked — Freedom Is a Difficult Choice

This is the central idea of the book—and also the hardest:

True freedom requires the courage to be disliked.

Not because you want to be hated. But because if you live entirely in a way that ensures no one dislikes you, you will no longer be yourself. You will become a version designed to please everyone—and that is another kind of loss.

Adler said that the healthiest relationship is one where you can disagree without fear of losing it. Not because you don’t care about the other person—but because you believe your honesty is more important than momentary comfort.

Exercise: Today, is there a small decision you are delaying because you fear someone’s reaction? It doesn’t have to be a big decision. Just a small step in the direction you actually want to go—and observe what happens.

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This Book Is for You If…

• You often find yourself adjusting your opinions to avoid conflict.
• You are good at pleasing others but aren’t sure what you want for yourself.
• You feel tired without knowing why—doing everything but finding no meaning.
• You are wondering if there is a way to live with less anxiety without having to hide from everything.

“The Courage to Be Disliked” is not your typical self-help book. It is a philosophical dialogue—between an Adlerian philosopher and a young student arguing about the meaning of freedom. It makes you uncomfortable in all the right places.

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Buy the Book

“The Courage to Be Disliked” — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

📖 Buy on Shopee: Buy Now →

The English version—written as a dialogue—is easier to read than you might think. With every short chapter, the philosophy is “explained” through the conversation. It’s not dry at all.