Are You Living on the Default Path? — 5 Questions to Check

There is a conversation that most of us have never had.

It’s not a conversation about goals, the future, or a 5-year plan. It’s a simpler conversation—and a much harder one:

Did I actually choose this life—or am I just continuing down a path that was already laid out for me?

Paul Millerd—author of the book “The Pathless Path”—calls the trajectory most of us step into unconsciously the “default path”: study hard → get into a good school → find a stable job → get promoted → retire → then what?

It’s not necessarily bad. It’s just that: you were never asked if you wanted it. And you never asked yourself either.

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When Nora’s Life Shatters Into Infinite Versions

There is a way to understand the default path without needing complex theory.

In Matt Haig’s novel “The Midnight Library”, the character Nora Seed—at a breaking point in her life—finds herself in a special library. Each book on the shelf represents a different life she could have lived: if she hadn’t dropped out of the conservatory, if she had followed her boyfriend to Australia, if she hadn’t given up her dream of being an oxytocin researcher.

What makes this book haunting isn’t that those parallel lives are more extraordinary. It’s that: Nora realizes she didn’t truly choose any of those lives—including her real one.

She left the conservatory for fear of disappointing others. She didn’t follow her boyfriend because she didn’t know what she wanted. She gave up her research because external pressure was louder than her inner voice.

The default path isn’t a bad life. The default path is a life chosen by inertia and fear, rather than by conscious awareness and true desire.

📖 “The Midnight Library” — Matt Haig: Mua trên Shopee →

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Are You Living on the Default Path?

There is no official test for this. But there are 5 questions that, if answered honestly—not just to sound good—can give you a pretty clear picture.

Read each one. Answer yes or no. You don’t need to explain it to anyone.

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1. If you lost your current job today and didn’t have to worry about money for a year—would you know what you wanted to do?

Not “what would you like to try” or “what have you thought about.” But: do you actually know?

If the answer is no—or if the first answer that pops into your head is “find another job”—that is a sign of the default path.

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2. If everyone you cared about accepted any decision you made—what would you change in your life right now?

This question removes the fear of judgment. If an answer appears immediately—and it’s different from what you’re currently doing—then you know something that you’re trying not to hear.

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3. Looking back at the last 3 years, were there any decisions you made primarily because “that’s what people usually do”?

Taking a job because it sounded stable. Not studying what you wanted because it was “unrealistic.” Staying in a relationship because it was “fine.” Not because you wanted to—but because it was the next logical move on the common chessboard.

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4. Do you know what you don’t want more clearly than you know what you do want?

This isn’t necessarily a problem—many people gain clarity through elimination. But if you can’t answer the question “what do you want in the next 5 years” without repeating words like “stability” or “balance”… you might be avoiding the real question.

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5. In the last 12 months, was there a time you did something just because you wanted to try it—no results needed, no approval required?

This is a question about spontaneity and small freedoms. If there wasn’t—if everything you do is justified by your career, productivity, or someone else’s expectations—then you might be living less than you think.

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There Is No Right Answer — Only Recognition

The purpose of these 5 questions isn’t for you to conclude “I’m living my life wrong.” It’s to help you see things a bit more clearly.

Millerd doesn’t say the default path is bad. He says: the problem is when you live on it without knowing you are on it.

When you know—you have a choice. Whether that choice is to continue, make small adjustments, or change completely.

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3 Steps to Start Asking

No need to quit your job. No need for a grand plan. Just start asking.

Step 1: Write down one choice you didn’t make because you were afraid of being judged.

It doesn’t have to be a major choice. It could be a project you wanted to try. A conversation you avoided. A direction you always thought “maybe later.” Write it down. Look at it. Realize that the fear of judgment—not a lack of ability—was the real reason.

Step 2: Dedicate 30 minutes a week to something with no clear outcome.

Read a book out of curiosity, not for utility. Learn a skill because you like it, not because you need it. Go for a walk without a podcast. This is how you start hearing your inner voice again—the voice that the default path has trained you to mute for so long.

Step 3: When making your next decision—even a small one—ask: “Am I choosing this, or am I following inertia?”

You don’t need a perfect answer. Just ask. The moment you start asking is the moment the default path is no longer invisible.

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Further Reading

Two books that give a name to things many people feel but haven’t found the words for:

“The Pathless Path” — Paul Millerd (2022): The true story of someone who left McKinsey to find a path without a trail. It’s not a “quit your job” book. It’s a book about learning how to choose consciously.

📖 Mua trên Shopee: Mua ngay →

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“The Midnight Library” — Matt Haig (2020): A novel. But perhaps the most emotional answer to the question: what happens to the lives we could have lived?

📖 Mua trên Shopee: Mua ngay →